Archive for January, 2007

Happy New Year!!

Wednesday, January 10th, 2007

Or rather, happy new year a week late. Oh well. It’s been forever but I’m hoping I’ll get to post more often now. My wonderful mother-in-law has offered to take both kids on Wednesdays, every week till her energy is exhausted. 🙂 I’m really thrilled. I’ve had a good shower today, I’ve only had one cup of coffee, more about that later, I’ve put away laundry, I’ve washed dishes, I’ve organized the bills and budget, and now I’ve read through email. And it’s only noon. I’m hungry, though, and I have to go to the grocery store and return a thing at the mall so I’m going to try to keep this short. Heh. So let’s see, what do ya’ll need to know to be caught up with my life. Kids are great, S is as smart as ever and little J has finally started saying yes. No has been his word forever, we had to guess his level of “NO”, does that really mean “yes you want juice or no I’d rather have milk”. He’s actually been talking much more lately, he will even say “more milk please”, or more whatever please. The noise level in our house has increased dramatically, and I didn’t think it could.

So the kids are at Grandma’s, J is at work, and I said last night, while S and little J were running though the house chasing the dog and screaming, “I’m not turning on anything at all that makes any noise tomorrow. No TV, no radio, no nothing.” By 11 this morning I had both TVs on and the radio on the computer playing. How sad. 🙂 Oh, I was going to tell you all about my new coffee obsession. That’s the only thing I can think of to call it, an obsession. It started with the latte at the coffee shop. I don’t even really call that coffee, it’s made with half and half and caramel syrup and whipped cream. Then, when J and I started the South Beach diet, (quite successful while we were on it, we skipped the month of December and now we’re back on the wagon) we got in the habit of having a pot ready when we got up in the morning. More for me, cause I’m not a morning person. Well, I got into the habit of making J’s cup to take with him and then before the timer turned off I’d have another cup or two. Regular sized cups. I rarely finished the pot. Now I finish the pot. Coffeemate, Equal, half and half, I even drink it black. It doesn’t matter. I haven’t gone so far yet as to make another pot, except one day last week. But I did find a mug that holds 34oz instead of my puny little 18oz one. But then, I haven’t been sleeping well lately, ya think that could have anything to do with it? So I’m trying to go back to just one cup. Or two. Whatever I can get in before noon, that’s my caffeine cut off time. Poor me.

Hm, so I mentioned the South Beach diet. We’re back on it. Although I did have a cold roll leftover from dinner the other night. It’s awful, I was eating it before I even knew what I was doing. I really worry sometimes about an eating addiction. Everything now is either a disease or an addiction, actually, even addiction is considered a disease now. I have an uncle who has to stop smoking. Now, everyone in the world knows that smoking is the worst thing in the world for you.  It kills you slowly and horribly. But he says he loves it. Even the thought of smoking makes him happy. He loves everything about it. It is an honest to goodness down to the bone pleasure for him. That’s how I feel about food. I love everything about it. Even bad food. Even horrible mall Chinese food that makes me sick within minutes of eating it. I love it. As I’m writing this I’m trying to figure out what I can eat today. I have to go to the grocery store and I’m making a list in my head of the junk I’d like to have. I’m not going to buy the junk because I have a pair of jeans that I’m determined to get into before Thanksgiving. I’d say the reunion but it’s too hot to wear jeans then. 🙂 My motivation for the reunion is knowing that all of my shorts are a little too tight to wear and I am not about to go up a size on shorts. 12 is quite big enough when it’s only my big butt that’s keeping me out of the smaller ones. Ah, is there any other plight in the world more frustrating that weight loss? Even after the hundred and something pounds that I’ve already lost it’s still a compulsion. If I just exercised every day, in a week or two I could wear that skirt that’s too tight right now. If I drink enough water I’ll be able to run that last mile without a cramp. If I do another mile I can get a candy bar on the way out. Does it never end? You would think that the best solution would be to live with someone who couldn’t care less what you weigh. Nope, doesn’t work. J quite honestly doesn’t care how heavy or not I am. It really has nothing whatsoever to do with how other people see me, it’s my own warped view of my body. I look in the mirror and I still see 300 pounds. Isn’t that just the weirdest thing? My friends here have no idea what I used to look like, my kids, even have no idea. “Who’s that with Daddy in that big white dress?” Even those people that knew me way back when are quite content to forget, why is it so hard for me? Gosh, this really wasn’t my rant for the day, not sure where it came from. If you want to hear a real rant, I’ll have to tell you about trying on bras the other day. Good grief.

It’s afternoon now and if I want to get all the cleaning done that I want to, I have to get going. Oh well. I’m off to the grocery store. 🙂 I’ll try to post again Saturday. More later….

p